What the Cluck? Exactly!

Kimberlee, the big fat dreamer here...
I need to apologize. I may have gotten ahead of myself, just a little. Okay, fine... a lot! I started this blog in hopes that we'd get this awesome farm that I have my heart set on and we'd blog as a family, share our adventures, start a small farmer's market booth, milk goats, gather eggs, live off the land, join FFA and be country in our forever home.

Well, we've hit a snag, okay it's not a snag, it's a ditch the size of the Grand Canyon. And honestly I have no idea what the cluck to do next or how to fix it. We were denied the home loan.

Let me say that again because it still hasn't sunk in over here: We were denied the home loan.

Kidney punch! So it wasn't really a kidney punch, it was more like my heart being ripped out of my chest, thrown in the dirt, stomped on repeatedly until it sputtered in the dust & eventually croaked.

There is no amount of wishing, hoping, dreaming, promises or anything that can fight the facts and give me my new dream farm. The fact is I was married to an immature, irresponsible, self-centered man for 14 years and he had no respect for responsibility when it came to credit scores or bills. Needless to say, my credit score suffered as well. Everything he put his name on, I'm sure my smiley lil signature shows up right next to his.

Here it is now almost 3 years after the divorce, I've moved on. I've tackled being the single mom of 3 kids thing, barely kept my head above water (while he has dodged child support payments), rented the most basic place(s) we could afford - not too small, not too big - got engaged to the greatest man I've ever known and thought that finally, just finally things are going to be the way they should be. Things are finally going to fall into place & we're going to start new. We're going to be a real family working together on a real farm.

We applied for the home loan, knowing that we still wouldn't be able to officially move in until March 1st and then we waited. Little did I know that my credit score is a disaster! A complete disaster. I'm not even sure disaster is the right word.Tragedy is probably more like it.

What to do? If I try cleaning up my credit, how long will that take? If I clean it up, will my ex will also benefit from it? That will piss me off to no end. Do I file bankruptcy and attempt a clean slate? Do I beg & plead to have family members co-sign on a house that isn't even in a state they live in? Do I ask the current owners to do an inhouse mortgage? Why would they take a chance on us, on me?

I'm heartbroken trying to figure this out, I feel my fiance is disappointed and the worst part of all, my kids are heartbroken too.

I could use a miracle right about now.